For people that keep saying 'I wish I hadn't seen the dub' there is no movie that isn't the dub. Ho bought bits and pieces of unreleased and uncompleted Asian films, from Chinese, Japanese to Korean and mixed them together, with new shots of Western actors. There is no film other than the dub, besides the poor dubbing adds most of the humour, its one of the funniest aspects Honestly people if anyone wants to have a fun night in laughing their heads off or bringing some mates over for a laugh this is the thing to do it over!!!!
Godfrey ho the king of re-editing hong kong films and splicing in richard harrison makes another grand effort here!!!
From an out of place Italian ninja to the edited in footage of various films to hwang jang lee in a gold wig its all in there!!! There actually is a few fair fights and the lead jack lam is an alright martial artist but thats not what this film is for just watch it and have a great time!!! Also despite him having a blonde wig hwang does get in some good footwork in the finale!!!
I recommend this film to everyone!!!! HaemovoreRex 2 September Here my friends, is a veritable Z-movie classic!
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It has to be said, that in the majority of these cut and splice ninja outings, only the ninja footage is of any real fun. In the non ninja sequences we have one ultra cool dude by the name of Jaguar Wong. Now let me tell you that this guy gets in more fights in this one movie than most professional boxers have in their entire career! Not only that but he wins every time with the utmost ease - in fact he's just soooooo cool! Move over James Bond!
The ninja sequences are equally as energetic with loads of sword play, acrobatics and people disappearing in plumes of smoke etc. But the best bit of all just has to be the rather bizarre method the ninja empire utilises to send messages to traitors Who the hell thought that one up?! It really is a credit to the actors concerned here, that they managed to keep straight faces during scenes like that! All in all, if you have a good sense of humour then you should rush out and watch this movie straight away! A cheap looking idol that splits into three parts grants the bearer immunity to rubber swords of all kinds.
But only if he holds all three parts! Actually, it works with just the one bit as demonstrated by one of the mustachioed ninjas midway through the movie which, at a stroke as lethal as any ninjas blade, completely kills the meager plot logic the film has managed to piece together by this point.
At first it looks as though the entire film is just going to be people beating each other up in a mall garden but the plot does start to develop towards something like a story later on. Meanwhile, Jaguar Wong wanders around getting involved with kidnappings and his scheming former lover. Everywhere he goes groups of three or four men attack him feebly providing intermittent filler for the already vague plot.
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All this sounds quite reasonable and par for the course but there are some decidedly strange additions. The ninja master uses a cheerful garfield phone for example, the mid-level henchman wears a woman's wig without explanation and the bad guy delivers his messages via cheap kids robot toys that someone must have had to walk right up to the door and place, rendering them less in the ninja style of stealth than say slipping the note under the door.
I got a few laughs out of this movie, it's bad but in a good way. My favourite bit was the way the ninja master was able to completely hide his ninja double wife from his wife whose biggest worry in life is the crabs she's steaming for dinner escaping. Even stopping one escaping by hurling a shuriken across the room doesn't seem to arouse her suspicions!
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There are two types of people in this world: people who like Godfrey Ho's cut-and-paste, cheaper than Chinese all-you-can-eat, Ninja-flicks and those who don't. I'm with the first category. See, people don't understand why you'd waste endless hours watching films, spliced from leftover Asian C-grade movies, left on the editing floor, and random scenes of European actors wearing tacky ninja costumes and fighting stuntmen, impersonating said European actors.
They cannot gasp the grandness behind ninjas in various colors in this case it's traditional black, camouflage and red slugging it out over a mythical statue, that seems to have been purchased at a souvenir store at the airport.
How to explain the awesomeness of Jaguar Wang, the coolest human-being that has ever walked the earth? Has the English language words to describe a gangster boss called 'Tiger', wearing a golden wig or do those words have to be invented first? A toy-robot delivering a secret message on a VHS-tape, throwing shuriken at steamed crabs and a Garfield-telephone — it has been rumoured that those scenes raised Sergei Eisenstein from the dead and gave Werner Herzog an aneurism. Luckily, Ninja Terminator is one of those in the minority.
The dialogue is so bad that it is actually good. It is laugh out loud funny at times, but I don't think it was supposed to be. If you can make it through a script that seems to have been written by a 5 year old, you may be able to make it through this. It doesn't help that this is 3 movies spliced together, and it doesn't make any sense.
But if you love bad movies, you can't pass up this masterpiece of horrible cinema. In one scene, the bad guy uses a toy robot to send a message to Richard Harrison. The toy robot arrives with smoke and can talk. And if you like to see people kick a lot, you will get plenty of that. Hwang only participates in the final fight, but Jack Lam gets to show off his kicking skills throughout the entire movie.
Sometimes a guy will have a redneck voice, and sometimes it will sound like a little kid. Fans of cheesy movies will love this Godfrey Ho classic.
When me and my friends get home on a Saturday morning after being out all Friday night, we love to watch it and laugh our arses off. My personal favourite part is the cemetery scene when the camera is focused on a big pile of dirt instead of the 2 characters having a conversation about their dead brother. There are so many amazing parts. The robot, the Garfield phone, slicing up melons, the unnecessary fire poi shots. When Jaguar Wong asks for a cigarette, his kidnapper says "ok.
Afterall, it's unlikely you'll contract lung cancer and die before i kill you! Absolute genius! Not sure if Godfrey Ho intended it to be like this but I'm glad it is. If you like films that are so bad they're good, check out Troll 2!
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It was so awful I bought a second copy for my friend. I now have approximately 14 of these films that are essentially 2 films spliced into 1 and Ninja Terminator is by far the best. As a means of unwinding with friends there is nothing like putting on this or one of his other offerings to create a sense of unreality. I believe Zombie Rivals has been re-released but it's not the same without the cover depicting Conan the Barbarian having no connection whatsoever to the film. I just hope no crabs were harmed in the making of this film! An unbelievably daft effort from Godfrey Ho, the king of crap ninja movies, Ninja Terminator sees Ho's regular star Richard Harrison once again donning his natty camouflage suit to fight a variety of similarly garbed bad guys, all the while performing totally unnecessary cartwheels and back-flips.
This time, Harrison plays Harry, one of a trio of good ninjas who steal a precious, magical golden statue from their evil boss.
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When one of the trio is killed and part of the statue is taken back, Harry enlists the help of his friend Jaguar Wong who is a cool-as-ice, high-kicking bad-ass to protect his dead friend's sister and try and retrieve the missing piece. Despite the story making little or no sense for most of the running time which is what you get when you splice together footage from two different films, as is apparently the case here , Ninja Terminator is still well worth watching thanks to countless completely insane moments guaranteed to make you howl with laughter: watch in awe as Harry proves that no melon is a match for his ninja sword skills; be puzzled as a breakfast of live crabs suddenly turns nasty; wonder why the hell Hwang Jang Lee is wearing a bad blonde wig for most of the film; giggle uncontrollably as a toy robot menacingly delivers video tapes; and then check ebay to see if you too can get a cool Garfield phone like the one Harry uses.
Amongst all this unexplainable, but very entertaining silliness, there are also plenty of pretty good martial arts fights Jack Lam, as Jaguar Wong, is excellent and displays loads of decent moves before his inevitable battle against super-kicker Lee. Throw in a couple of gratuitous sex scenes, and some awful dialogue, and what you have is one hell of a fun film. I will not talk about the Garfield-telephone, the crabs, the ham in the golden wig nor the bulging eyes of the Black ninja - it's been done and said. Nor the pseudo-sex-scenes or the carmouflage Ninja suite, not the Ninja's painted eye-lids or the horrible dubbing.
What most people don't seem to realize is, that the music was 'conducted' or 'composed', as you wish by none other than Wendy Carlos AKA Victor Carlos, the transvestite musical-genius that composed the groundbreaking mix of 70's Techno and Beethoven in Stanley Kubrick's 'Clockwork Orange'! Yes, the Victor Carlos who changed his sex or so the lore of cult-films has it while composing the soundtrack for said-'Clockwork Orange'. Was he or she in need of Crack-money?
Did the Chinese mafia put a gun to his or her head, forcing him or her to churn out this hogwash on his or her keyboard? Was it the magic of the Evil Ninja Empire that made him or her do it? I'm afraid we'll never know - but until James Horner composed the score for a Mondo Carne Picture where are they now?